Aussie Beer 101

Being a constantly-updated guide for non-Aussies on the basics of beer down under.

Glass Sizes

Western Australia

‘We’ve got ponies, glasses, middies an’ pots, see,’ the first man said. ‘Now a pony’s four ounces –’

The second man said, ‘Two to four.’

‘All right, two to four. But who the hell drinks two’s? You keep quiet while I clue him up. A glass is five ounces, a middy is seven ounces, an’ a pot’s ten. Got it? That’s all you have to remember.’

The second man said, ‘A middy’s a schooner in the bush.’

‘I know that. Don’t confuse him. We’re not in the bloody bush, you nong.’

South Australia

There was at one time a pub near the abattoirs. Employees were accustomed to visit it in their lunch hour, and because of the Australian custom of ’shouting’, and the limited time available, they preferred to drink small beers. Six-ounce glasses were the smallest the publican had, and so a six-ounce glass became known as a butcher.

During my stay there I found butchers to be a popular container size in Adelaide. Others available were ponies, four ounces; schooners, nine ounces; and pints. But a pint, which is by definition twenty ounces, is not so in South Australian pubs. For some strange reason, known only to South Aussies, a pint of beer is fifteen ounces.

Victoria

I had already learnt Melbourne glass sizes and nomenclature, so different from Adelaide. One asks for a four ounce, a small beer, or a pot. There are no butchers. A request for a small beer produces seven ounces, and for a pot, ten.

Tasmania

There was a barmaid on duty. ‘Yes?’ she said.

‘A pot of beer, please.’

‘A pot? You just in from Melbourne?’

‘Yes.’

‘We don’t have pots. What you want is a ten ounce.’

‘Er – thank you.’

She began to draw it. I asked her, ‘What other sizes of beer do you have?’

‘Fours, sixes and eights,’ she said.

‘And – er – what do you call them?’

‘What do we call them? Fours, sixes and eights. What would you call them?’

‘I’ll call them fours, sixes and eights. That’s a very simple system.’

‘Yes,’ she said, putting my ten-ounce glass in front of me. ‘Saves confusion.’

‘If I were to ask for a glass of beer, without nominating the size, what would I get?’

‘You’d get a six,’ she said.

‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t mention it. I like to contribute to the education of foreigners.’

Queensland

The barmaid was decorative, too, young and mini-skirted and shapely. I told her I would like a small glass of beer.

‘One small beer,’ she said, attending to me.

I said, ‘I’m a stranger in Brisbane. What size beers do you serve, and what do you call them?’

She said, ‘Five ounce, eight ounce and ten ounce. We call them small beers, beers and pots.’

‘I see. Well, could you make that a beer? Five ounces is a little too small, I think.’

‘No trouble,’ she said.

Putting it in front of me, she said, ‘There you are. Eight ounces. Mind you, in the bush you’ll only get seven ounces. They call it a seven.’

‘Do you know the reason for that?’

‘They reckon it’s the freight,’ she said.

New South Wales

The various draughts were dispensed in seven, ten, fifteen and twenty-ounce containers, called respectively sevens, middies, schooners and pints. The timid could also get fives.

All glass size information from ‘It’s Your Shout, Mate‘ by John O’Grady (Ure Smith, 1972). The Six O’Clock Swill takes no responsibility for any derision you might experience from bar staff if using the above as a guide.

“It’s all Foster’s over there you know” – everyone I told I was moving to Australia.

Well, actually it isn’t. Here in New South Wales I’ve yet to see Fosters on tap and I’m not sure I’ve even seen it in cans or bottles. It’s always been a Victorian beer, and Aussie drinkers tend to be loyal to the beers that are historically from their own state.

However, Foster’s (Carlton and United) along with Lion Nathan do own the vast majority of the Australian beer market. Most of their product is piss, but they do brew some good stuff amongst the swill. The third biggest brewer in Australia is Coopers from South Australia, widely available and always worth drinking. Beyond this there are countless small brewers across the country providing a range of excellent beers to sample and enjoy.

In 98% of cases, Australian beer is (a) cold, and (b) fizzy. Even a high-strength stout like Cooper’s Best Extra is served at 2-3 degrees C. There’s a good reason for this – Australia tends to be hot most of the time and a cold beer is exactly what’s required when you’ve sweated your way around town for a while – but it makes it difficult to appreciate the taste of a good beer. I highly recommend letting a beer stand for a few minutes to warm up if you want to taste it. But if you’ve got a schooner of Toohey’s New in front of you, drink it as fast as you can.

Things to come: bottles/cans, Responsible Service of Alcohol,  off-sales, and many many more. Let me know of any subject you’d like covered via the comments function below.